were very happy wayback then. evrything seemed perfect. a happy couple with a cute little son. yes, we argued but we dont fight. we also make it to a point to talk. i can say that i found a perfect husband. he loves us so much. (oh, God how i miss him!) i was always excited to see him coming home.

until this tragic day came. and evrything changed.

it was 7am when we woke up. there was no sign that something will happen that will change our lives. he was in the bathroom. while mokong and i were eating. and suudenly i heard a snoring sound from the bathroom. at first, i thought he was just brushing his teeth or something else, in short i didnt mind it. after a few minutes, stil hearing that sound, i decided to stand up and check my hubby. i knocked and shouted.. there was no reply… then i shouted for help. i knew from that time that he had his heart attackd. they forced to open the bathroom and there we saw his unconcious body… and everything is history… the greatest challenge in my life…

until now, as i flashed back from the time that we met to the time he left, im always crying. i thought i was brave. i thought that i can handle the situation. but that what i only thought. i feel that i lose my other wing. i lose a fight. no one knows how i truly feel even my family. they thought that i am already okay. even my friends. they asked how i passed that trial… if only they knew… i havent yet… im still holding back… i cant let go… the pain still remains.. i dont know until when…

by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I’ll find my way
Through night and day,
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There’s peace I’m sure,
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.

When I was young I knew everything
and she a punk who rarely ever took advice
now i’m guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
stop a baby’s breath and a shoe full of rice

I can’t be held responsible
cause she was touching her face
I won’t be held responsible
she fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
for the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins
we were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week’s vacation to forget her
his girl took a week’s worth of valium and slept
now he’s guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

We’ve tried to wash our hands of all of this
we never talk of our lacking relationships
and how we’re guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we’d say